No. No I am not a healthier person. Despite the overwhelming odds, I have maintained my lazy lifestyle. It wasn’t easy, but it just goes to show you how dedicated I am. Take the road less travelled, my friends; the path of least resistance. That’s my motto. (Actually you all know my motto is “you win some you lose some”…) You can shove veggies in front of my face, but doesn’t mean I’ll eat them. You can tell me to cycle to school, or I can just call a cab! Although in all honesty, I have never taken a cab to school, I do always cycle… so I guess that’s good. But, I tell myself, my cycle to school counts as my exercise and thus I am able to feast on Oreo cookies and cheesecake.
“Oreo cookies and cheesecake?” you say? “But you said that chocolate and cheese was impossible to come by.” Yes, my friends, I did say that… I said that back when I was the equivalent to a baby. I couldn’t read, I couldn’t talk, and I didn’t understand what was going on around me. Things have changed, if only minorly.
First of all, I will admit, not having an oven to bake my delicious cookies and cakes posed a bit of a challenge. Also, I couldn’t find flour, baking soda, or any other ingredients baking required in the grocery store. Not because these items didn’t exist, but because I couldn’t read and thus did not realize they were right in front of me all along! Now, with my new fangled reading ability, I am able to easily pick out these items in the grocery store (well, easily is a bit of an overstatement but I am trying to be impressive here). In reality, I stood in the aisles of the grocery stores staring at each individual item and taking my sweet time trying to sound out each one, until I stumbled upon “fuuuu raaaaa waaaa”. Flour! Horray! Next, “bayyyy keyyyyn so da”. Yes! Score! I also managed to find Philadelphia cream cheese in the store. And those weren’t the only great achievements of the day. Here comes the real shocker, I managed to figure out how to make cheesecake and banana bread IN THE RICE COOKER. I know, I am like Martha Stewart. Please hold your applause until the end. This ability also resulted from my reading skill, as there is a mode on the rice cooker called “cake”.
Delicious Oreo cheesecake made by yours truly
That is just one way I have maintained my unhealthy habits. Here’s another. I mentioned the school lunches and how healthy they always are. Students always have to eat everything, but DID YOU KNOW: teacher’s don’t. You can just dump what you don’t like in a bin and it is taken away, out of sight (I assume it is just thrown out). Students watch you discard half of your disgusting looking screaming fish and say “why are you allowed to do that?” and all you have to say is “sensei”.
Eat these? No thanks.
However, I’ll take seconds on the 6% milk, please.